Why he not proposing

Congratulations, you've been back-burnered. And I'm so sorry, because it's the worst. It's being back-burnered that can cause so many women to give the men they are dating an ultimatum about marriage. They too are comfortable, they too could love their boyfriend, but the bigger piece of the puzzle is that they want to get married, and they don't care who to and they've spent the most amount of time with this guy, so why not him?

Marriage is a serious endeavor. It's a lifelong, legal commitment. And if the two of you can't even be bothered to do the hard work of studying and working through your own relationship problems, then you probably aren't equipped for the long haul or for each other.

For some men, marriage isn't necessarily something that you have to do. If they were raised in a religious household or they are religious person themselves, sure, marriage might mean something to them, but there is also a very real likelihood that marriage to him just isn't something that is as important as forming a loving, long-term commitment outside the bonds of marriage.

For some men, it might be that they dislike the idea of marriage because of how they viewed their own parents' marriage , or maybe they themselves were married once before and it was a disaster. Just as you are entitled to your own feelings about marriage, he is entitled to his own feelings about that so-called blessed union.

If marriage is important enough to be a deal-breaker for you, you have an obligation to let your partner know that early and often. Neither one of you should have to compromise when it comes to something so utterly important. You expect too much of a proposal from him, or he isn't mature enough to handle them.

Either way, it isn't your fault; It's social media's with their huge grand proposals. These expectations are what is blinding him from actually proposing to you. It's a fear factor. He doesn't want to disappoint you. He feels that there's too much on his plate or there are too many moving parts to the proposal you expect from him, he doesn't want to mess it up. Therefore if he doesn't propose, he can't.

This was certainly the case for my husband-to-be. He knew the level of commitment he was making and wanted to move forward deliberately and securely. This seriousness of marriage can be what scares many men.

The idea of being with one person for the rest of your LIFE…. My advice? Consider reading this article or this one. Alongside the fear of commitment can be similar worries for the man: will he lose his freedom? Will you? These are important questions for every future spouse to deal with. What you can do is affirm your man.

Show him support in these areas of his life. Demonstrate respect for what he does and for his achievements. Celebrate his wins. This kind of support is vital for long-term relationship success, and it just might help him to grow more confident to take that next step in life. So again, be patient. Are you seeing a pattern here? At the very least, you need to know if your potential partner is open to marriage or not. Such a conversation is vital so that you have a clearer picture of your shared future.

This may be the case, and if it is, find out as soon as possible. Do people ever change their mind? Can you be with a partner when the prospect of marriage is off the table? We can blame the Internet for this. Over-the-top proposals have become popular and often circulate online with viral power.

Do you expect an insane over-the-top proposal like this? This can be a lot to ask of a guy, especially one who may be introverted or shy. Are you obsessed with luxurious, expensive rings? Your boyfriend might be panicking about how much to spend.

You may be demonstrating high expectations whether overtly or not and it could be problematic. If this is the case, a straightforward discussion never goes amiss.

But you can also drop hints. What matters to you are his words and his intentions and a special moment. Let him know that that is enough.

That he is enough. On another note, if your expectations ARE super high and over-the-top, you may need to do some self-reflection. While these things are nice, they are not prerequisites for love or marriage. Instead of convincing him to get married, I had only convinced him that I cared more about marriage than about him.

And by doing so, I made him into an object of judgment and comparison. We did get married eventually. It took a long time to arrive at a happy conclusion. But here are some things that I learned through my experience and through many friends who have shared this struggle. He thought something was wrong because he should have felt as ready as I did if we were really meant to be.

In reality, marriage is a huge decision. And like all huge decisions, it should be made with thorough deliberation and sound judgment.

So be thankful for your disagreement, it means both of you are taking the question seriously. There are many reasons why your man might be dragging his feet, but often it just comes down to the fact that women typically feel ready for marriage before most men.

In his book, Gray explains that one of the best ways to build up resistance in a guy is to continually give him indirect requests through seemingly off-hand but intentional comments. You only have to take a quick look at these marriage ultimatum horror stories to know that the last thing you want to do for your relationship is to make your man feel trapped.

If you have something to say, be direct. My marriage conversations with my now-husband started taking a turn for the better when I became brave enough to give him the space to come to a decision on his own. It is difficult to be motivated when he is not needed.